4 Misconceptions About Adolescence – Parenthood

Sometimes we parents don’t know how to interpret some of the behaviors of our teens. This is normal, because we are faced with new behaviors that we have never seen before. They can cause us to have false beliefs about adolescence.

Faced with certain behaviors of our children, we must not make hasty interpretations, because we could fall into the “interpretative bias”, that is to say that we interpret according to our needs.

False beliefs about adolescence

The new behaviors that are emerging in our teenagers can lead us to have misconceptions about certain aspects of adolescence. Let’s take a look at some of these beliefs.

Valuing our role as a parent based on the behavior of our adolescents

We parents may think that our child would rather go with his friends than with his family, that our opinion is not valid because we are no longer important in his life or that we have failed in some way or another. another to make them behave like that. But nothing is further from the truth.

We must banish such inferences from our thoughts, because our children’s behavior is not provoked by us, the parents. It is important that we realize that at this stage of adolescence, children need to feel accepted by their peer group and it is normal that they also want to have relationships with them.

During this stage, what is called the “differentiation process” occurs, where the adolescent shifts his affections to another group different from his family, and creates bonds with people. of his age, normally, which helps shape his personality and identity.

Even if this happens, it does not mean that our child does not want to be with his family, but that he needs to feel independent from this family nucleus. This distance is necessary and normal for its development, even if it is difficult for us, parents, to accept it.

Deduce from the reduction in signs of affection that our children no longer feel affection towards us

Just because our teenager isn’t as loving as he used to be, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love us. This behavior is normal at this stage of development, as children also seek emotional independence from their parents.

So we have to banish the thought that “he was affectionate and now he’s not… He doesn’t love us the same way” or “before he kissed us and hugged us, and now he doesn’t want to anymore, it seems. let him be ashamed, we have lost his affection ” .

Believe that they are not able to respect and follow the rules, and that they challenge adults

In adolescence, children seek symmetry in their relationships with adults. When there are authoritative arguments from their parents or other adults, they do not accept them and doubt it, as they try to feel that they are part of the rules and boundaries.

It doesn’t mean that they seek to challenge their parents, but rather that they feel the need to speak up and stand up against them when something doesn’t seem right. In this situation, it’s normal for parents to feel frustrated, but that shouldn’t stop us from setting logical and appropriate boundaries for our children.

Although parents are the authority, we are also their security. Therefore, faced with their refusals and opposition, we should not think that the problem comes from us, but from the search for their independence.

Believe that teens are not ready for the world

It is quite normal for parents to worry about the safety of their children because no parent wants something bad to happen to their child. But it is during adolescence that we worry the most as they go out and experience more, and that is why they may face certain dangers and risks.

However, parents should trust them; if we have given them good values, they will know how to make the right decisions in the new situations they encounter. Above all, you have to talk to them about the dangers they may encounter and how to manage them so that they do not fall into risky behavior.

Regarding the mistaken beliefs about adolescence …

As you have seen, these mistaken beliefs about adolescence are not at all correct, and knowing them can help us parents deal with them. It is important that, during this stage, adolescents feel understood and respected, so that communication with them is much easier.

Remember that they are in the midst of developing their personality and searching for their identity, so as parents we have to help them deal with all those emotions that they are feeling that sometimes they just don’t know. how to manage.