How Can Assertiveness Help You In The Postpartum Period? – Being Parents

The arrival of a newborn baby involves enormous physical and psychological changes for the mother. In this vulnerable time, it is especially necessary to be able to set limits and ask for help. Therefore, while it is always important, postpartum assertiveness can become your best ally.

As a human being, as a woman and now as a mother, you have the right to express what you feel and want. However, this is often difficult for fear of appearing rude or selfish. However, the birth of your baby and the months that follow will be difficult in many ways, so you must make the decision to put your needs before the opinions of others.

What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is a social capacity to be able to defend our rights without stepping on the rights of others. It includes a wide variety of aspects that lead to harmonious and balanced communication:

• Communicate frankly, clearly and directly.
• Express our desires, opinions and feelings.

• Defend our rights and our needs.
• Knowing how to make requests and accept or refuse those made to us.
• Accept compliments and criticism.
• Do all of the above without fear of being judged or rejected.
• Do not violate the rights of others and do not disrespect them in our communications.

It is not always easy to put into practice. A good level of self-esteem makes it easier for us to communicate with confidence. But despite everything, there is a certain social pressure, especially towards women, to be cordial, kind and helpful.

Often, assertive behaviors are not well received and labeled as selfish. However, let us remember that our first duty is to ourselves and that it is not appropriate to ignore our needs in order to please others.

Assertiveness after childbirth

The arrival of a child is a time of great stress and great vulnerability for women. Fatigue and hormonal changes add to the fear of facing this new stage. It is a very demanding time both physically and mentally, but sometimes the people around us do not help us alleviate the burden.

It is very common for family, friends and relatives to be unaware of the new mother’s condition and needs. The illusion for the new member of the family and the desire to collaborate can lead them to behave intrusively on the woman. Right now, what she probably needs is rest and privacy with her nuclear family.

The constant visits to the home or hospital, so many people voicing their opinions and giving advice can become overwhelming. However, in order not to appear rude, the mother is often prevented from expressing what she wants and what she really needs. She may also be reluctant to seek help with the baby, which can lead to tremendous wear and tear as she takes care of everything almost exclusively.

How to apply postpartum assertiveness?

• At the hospital (and at home), you will visit those you want and at the time you decide. Don’t be afraid to refuse, postpone, or ask them to leave. You have to respect your needs and they have to understand.

• Make it clear that you need to rest. When in doubt, remember that these people will not get up in the middle of the night to take care of your baby.
• You don’t have to do it all on your own. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, and telling your partner to fulfill their obligations doesn’t make you overbearing.
• Remember that you are the mother of your baby and that you decide how to care for it. You choose to breastfeed or bottle-feed, sleep separately or together, if you prefer an ergonomic backpack or stroller. Do not obey the orders of others, do not be afraid to speak out if someone is too intrusive. If you need advice, you will ask for it yourself or consult a doctor.

In summary, if the time for your baby is approaching, be prepared to make your decision without fear. Forget about objections and social conventions, because now you and your child are the most important thing. Write down in your mind what your rights are and don’t be afraid to assertively defend them whenever necessary. Let nothing tarnish this precious step.