What Is Positive Attention? – Being Parents
Children are at a stage of growth where they need large doses of attention, especially from adults. This is why they sometimes use bad behavior to get attention, even if it ends up being negative.
Therefore, it is necessary to use positive attention with children, not only to reduce attention-seeking behavior, but also to facilitate healthy personal development.
Positive and negative attention: what is it?
Praising and praising a child after good behavior, showing interest in his accomplishments, using affectionate expressions, encouraging and favoring the child in his tasks are some examples of what it means to use positive attention.
Through these types of actions and experiences, we indicate to the child that we are taking care of him, which allows him to feel valued, one of his main needs since birth.
On the other hand, if we do not stop to value him and celebrate his achievements, that is, to give him positive attention, the child will look for other ways to get our attention.
Therefore, if children are not able to meet this basic need in a positive way, they will find a way to get the attention of adults no matter what. But it will be by using bad behavior. This way, if we cry out and lecture our children, we will be using what is called negative attention.
Although the ideal is to offer children positive attention most of the time, as Gloria G. Rodriguez, child education specialist points out, it is sometimes very difficult not to fall into the trap of strengthening and to reward bad behavior, such as when we only react if children behave badly.
How to use positive attention?
Without a doubt, positive attention is a major motivation for children’s behavior, and the key is to give positive attention when children are behaving well and withdrawing it in the case of inappropriate, but harmless behavior.
According to Maurice J. Elias, professor of psychology at Rutgers University, and psychologists Steven E. Tobias and Brian S. Friedlander, we adults should try to reduce the amount of negative attention we give to children, because it tends to increase conflicts in the house while decreasing self-esteem.
In this way, we have to teach the child specific behaviors that he can identify as a means of obtaining positive attention. In other words, the important thing is that the child knows that what we praise, what good behavior is, so we have to be very clear.
Why is this so important?
Elias, Tobias, and Friedlander assume that the more negative attention children receive, the more insecure they are. Therefore, it will cause them to try to get even more attention which can become a problem because negative attention is less satisfying than positive attention.
However, the most important effect of using positive attention on children is the development of healthy self-concept and self-esteem.
Through positive attention, we encourage children to build a healthy self-image, meaning that they value themselves positively, while feeling more confident and self-confident.
