Characteristics Of Children With Disordered Attachment – Being Parents

Unfortunately, there is a high percentage of children who are or have been abused. Trauma and chronic stress arise from these situations. These cause them to develop  dysfunctional behavior known as disorderly attachment.

The disordered attachment is characterized by  a  chronic and intense fear. It causes the child to avoid reporting to his parents or caregivers, and who also refuses to remain in their presence. Therefore, when they are forced to stay with these people, they experience confusion and astonishment.

Disorderly attachment, as the name suggests, is the  result of traumatic experiences of great intensity  for the child. Indeed, these experiences “mess up” his social development and make him vulnerable.

Characteristics of children with disordered attachment

Children with disordered attachments  have difficulty controlling their emotions.   In addition, they find it difficult to interact with others, even those of their age.

1. They show discordant behavior most of the time. This means that the child is able to seek physical contact and then avoid it altogether.
2. In addition, they speak in a messy and redundant manner, often talking about  the same topic.
3. Children with disordered attachments may show anxiety when separated from their parents.
4. They tend to move in an uncoordinated fashion.  And, in situations of terror, they can suffer from total paralysis. In other words, they can petrify.
5. Children with disorganized attachment have a high sensitivity to the father figure. And this,  sometimes, with marked physiognomic expressions.
6. In addition, they are often confused.  That is to say, they show diffuse phrases.
7. These children feel that their personal space is easily invaded.
8. They suffer from post-traumatic stress.
9. Also, they can develop associative disorders, memory and attention.
10. They have no interest in exploring the environment. Uncertainty overwhelms them and fear paralyzes them when it comes to having new experiences.
11. In most cases, they develop several fears and even phobias.
12. They remain in a state of hypervigilance, because they  consider that they must be constantly on alert  to escape aggression.

Regarding the mother

Wrong affections

Children with disordered attachment show contradictions. For example, they can ask their mother for a hug and then immediately ask her to walk away.

In these situations, children despair  because  they don’t know what they want for sure. Because of this, they become very upset when asked what they want.

Disorientation

• When the child with disordered attachment feels confused or afraid of the mother’s behavior.
• He is confused in everything he does. That is,  the child does not coordinate his actions.
• Disorientation occurs when the mother laughs at or makes the child uncomfortable.

Withdrawal in children

The mother creates a considerable emotional distance  between them. This is a characteristic of parents of children with disordered attachment.

Feeling incompetent, they choose to distance themselves. For example: the mother decides to always greet her child from a distance. Without approaching him.

Random and alternative behaviors

Children with disordered attachments can be very withdrawn, to the point of wanting to be invisible to the world. On the other hand, they  can have outbursts of anger.

We must remember that their behaviors are random and not adapted to the circumstances. They don’t know how to get affection.  This then leads them to express themselves in different ways.

Self-stimulation

Children with disorganized attachment use self-stimulation, either through banging or nodding. But what is the reason for this? With these movements,  what they unconsciously seek is to reduce their psychological pain.

Over time, they come to create their own defense mechanism. They try to hide painful memories.  Thus, they will only let positive memories with their parents emerge. These, in most cases, are idealized.

They don’t appeal to their parents

Children with messy attachment  don’t turn to parents when a problem arises  because they don’t feel comfortable. This can lead them to secretly cry. Or, to wander in places without any direction, far from their parents, their problems and themselves.

These children need professional help to develop a healthy bond  with their parents or caregivers, as appropriate.