Household Mental Burden: The Invisible Work Of Women – Being Parents

The part of the work associated with the logistics and planning of household and family chores around the house is called the household mental load. Even if many couples distribute the tasks of the household more or less evenly, women feel the effects of the mental burden much more than men.

There is no doubt that the social situation has changed with regard to equity and the participation of men in household chores. In fact, women today participate actively in the couple’s income. As a result, couples more easily divide household chores between spouses. It is logical and fair.

However, if we take a closer look, we find that this distribution is not as fair as it seems. Of course, the performance of physical tasks is shared. However, the mental work of planning, organizing and managing falls almost entirely to women.

What is the household mental load?

The concept of household mental load encompasses all the invisible work necessary for the proper functioning of the different areas of family life. It’s about continually thinking about the tasks at hand and how to handle them. Anticipating, organizing and remembering things to do is a mental burden that is a source of fatigue.

This term was described by sociologist Susan Walzer in her study of existing gender differences. To really become aware of this inequality, we must begin by distinguishing between the physical and mental tasks of managing the household.

Physical tasks:

• Go to the supermarket.
• Pick up the children from school.
• To prepare dinner.
• Wash the laundry.

Mental tasks:

• Realize that the toothpaste is almost finished and plan to buy some before it runs out.
• Remember that our child has a field trip today and therefore leaves school an hour early.
• Plan in advance what we are going to eat for dinner and remember to take the food out of the freezer to thaw on time.
• Arrange to have a washing machine on Thursday because on Saturday we have dinner. So we have to allow time for the clothes we want to use to dry.

This type of work seems to be an area almost exclusively reserved for women. Usually, men do not spend the same amount of time on this mental process. And, if they do, it is most often in the context of their own professional activities. Women, for their part, think, organize and plan their professional, social and family lives, but also that of other members of the household.

How to detect household mental load?

So sometimes it is difficult to realize that our family is in this unfair situation. Due to a certain social inertia, women continue to be assigned responsibility for the household. Indeed, they have so internalized the fact that it is their role that they sometimes identify with it. Women may even find some gratitude in taking care of the home and family.

That is why, in the first place, it is necessary to realize that it is not only the responsibility of the woman. It would be fair if these tasks were also shared. So why not write down the household chores that both spouses have in mind for a week? Then compare them.

This little exercise can give us an idea of ​​the weight associated with this constant mental work. It is therefore a good way to make the necessary changes to family dynamics.

On the other hand, mental fatigue in women can also be a harbinger of imbalance . Mental load is a heavy weight that generates stress, anxiety and even physical symptoms. For example, frequent back pain or headache.

What is the solution ?

The way to alleviate this heavy burden is obviously sharing . But it is about doing it in a real and effective way. It is not correct for a man to agree to take on some mental household chores and then forget about them and not perform them. The idea is also not for the woman to leave instructions regarding children, meals or schedules with her spouse every time she leaves the house.

It is therefore necessary that both spouses make a firm commitment to take care of what corresponds to them. Both physically and mentally. To do this, a good strategy may be to divide the tasks by area. For example, one spouse would be in charge of planning and preparing the menus and the other looking after the children’s school.